happy father's day - blindrun

[merging]

 [Honestly? He's been here wayyy longer than he planned to be. He knew it'd be hard to escape, but it had to be possible. That's what he kept telling himself. Days turned into weeks turned into months and now? It's been over a year.

The other Inquisitors still don't completely treat him like one of them. Or maybe teasing is their way of doing so? He rolls his eyes whenever they call him "baby brother", thinking they could at least have some sense of professionalism. But everything's been going okay for the most part. As okay as it can be when you're an Inquisitor-in-training.

Except today was... well, it was something else. They were assigned to ambush a small rebel cell that was said to be working with a Jedi. It should've been easy, except for the part where it wasn't. The rebels got away and the Inquisitors had failed. Now Ezra's standing outside the Grand Inquisitor's office while the adults debrief. It's frustrating, being left out like this, but he also knows there isn't much he can do about it.]

Comments

[merging]

Yeah. I saw who he used to be and I thought if I reminded him of that, if it was for me, he'd...

[Was it selfish to think that when he wouldn't be loyal to the dark side for Third Brother's sake alone? He's not sure, but at least the light side's initiation was far less painful.]

I know now it's not that easy. Caleb Dume is probably dead at this point. I'm trying to let go, but I... I don't know.

[prover]

Caleb...

[ she mutters his name, a foggy memory coming to mind of an ever questioning boy who stood by master billaba's side. so he was taken by the empire too. so many padawans, so many dead and even worse. ]

It isn't enough just to remind. Third Brother -- Caleb may still be in there. [ she crosses her arms and thins her lips. ] You know, Inquisitors don't really take apprentices. If he was serious about turning you, he would have just "initiated" you day one.

[merging]

Really? But I was-

[14 back then. Probably older than some of the Inquisitors were when they were initiated.]

I mean, he always said I had to prove myself. First it was proving that I was strong in the Force, then it was that I was willing to use the dark side, and finally, it was my loyalty.

[prover]

Ezra, Inquisitors don't prove loyalty. They're indoctrinated into it.

[ she can buy testing his force sensitivity, seeing if he would be swayed, but if he corrupted a kyber crystal then wouldn't that be enough? it doesn't add up to what she knows and she suspects there's more to this story. ]

Did he ever... hm. Did he act differently with you than the other Inquisitors?

[merging]

Well, yeah. He always acted differently around me. But that's because I was his apprentice.

Plus it's not like any of the Inquisitors get along that well. We say we're like a family, but it's not like anyone would care if someone died. I thought Third Brother cared about me, but...

[But he was ready to kill Ezra if he didn't fall in line. He wouldn't release his parents either. As Ezra had drifted closer to the light, he'd started to doubt that his master actually saw him as a person.]

[prover]

[ a shrug. she couldn't tell him, and she's never met third brother, but something about it still doesn't sit right with her. why go through so much effort to bring ezra to the dark side? it's so strange. but whatever the case she feels the need to say- ]

You don't sound like you're ready to let go.

[merging]

No one ever taught me how.

[he answers with a shrug of his own]

I've accepted that it might be out of my control. And that he's no longer my master. I think that's close enough for now.

[prover]

[ a nod. ]

Their kind encourage attachments. However, the attachments encouraged, the kinds formed, are toxic. Remember that. You're rid of him now.

[ whatever third brother's goals were with taking in ezra, none of them were good. it isn't smart to try and turn an inquisitor based off a feeling alone. the rebellion does not have the resources to save people from themselves. ]

[merging]

I know.

[Ezra sighs, a little tired after all the emotional talk and crystal purification.]

You think this'll finally get the rebels off my back?

[prover]

[ hmmm! ]

Don't think so. [ sorry not sorry about the honesty. ] I know why that might frustrate you, but they have bones to pick with the Empire even bigger than yours.

[merging]

But I don't even use the dark side anymore! This proves it!

[Which is the thinking of a Force user, not an ordinary person fighting in the war.]

Ugh. I just wanna be able to walk around without everyone thinking I'm gonna kill them.

[They trust Sabine, even though she defected. Except that was a while ago and she also doesn't have scary wizard powers.]

[prover]

It'll take more work than repairing your crystal, Ezra. They don't care about the Force as much as you, as an individual. As a traitor.

[merging]

[He doesn't want to admit it, but she's right.]

What should I do?

[prover]

...Remember when we first met? You told me about killing a traitor who gave up our base. [ she crosses her arms, summoning up a rather unimpressed look. ] I think you were trying to convince me you did a good thing, but it sounded like you were gloating about killing a man.

[merging]

Okay, but I didn't know that was bad!

[And he still thinks it was somewhat justified, but now's not the time for that.]

Things are different now, and I was hurt by the Empire just like everyone else.

[prover]

You didn't know killing someone is bad.

[ very, very unimpressed. ]

Everyone here has been hurt by the Empire, Ezra. You made the choice to do what you did. Especially if Third Brother didn't drag you out of the academy.

[ which, to her, sounds like the exact opposite. ezra chose to go. ]

[merging]

I thought killing a bad person was- you know, it evens out!

[The Force is all about balance so he balanced it!]

Yeah sure, I had a lot of choices in front of me, you're right. Stay at the academy, probably get used as target practice or a human shield, die. Leave the academy, get labeled a defector by the Empire and get hunted down, die. Somehow escape safely and go back to living on the streets, die. Not to mention execution was pretty much on the table every day when I was an Inquisitor. And considering I'm Force sensitive and Third Brother found me? Not going with him probably meant death too.

[prover]

[ she can feel the anger radiating off him as he lists off his woes, his paths, but still she remains cool and indifferent to it all. ]

We all have a choice. [ and then she smirks. ] Anyway you escaped the Inquisitors and joined up with me. You think that's somehow better than any other option you listed if your goal is "don't die"?

[merging]

Well... yeah. Here I'm not alone anymore.

[He doesn't realize how sappy that sounds, okay.]

[prover]

[ oh......... gremlin child...... rabu ]

See. Now try that. Try, without expecting anything in return.

[ she thinks he's used to taking and taking and getting something out of it. the inquisitors taught him how to fight and how to enjoy winning to an unhealthy degree. she needs to teach him humility, because life isn't a game you win at. ]

[merging]

Huh? Try what?

[He doesn't get that he was just nice and sincere and genuine.]

[prover]

...

[ she's going to go the "all knowing look" technique obi-wan always did and then turn away. ]

Let's go. Still have a lot of learning to do.