happy father's day - blindrun

[merging]

 [Honestly? He's been here wayyy longer than he planned to be. He knew it'd be hard to escape, but it had to be possible. That's what he kept telling himself. Days turned into weeks turned into months and now? It's been over a year.

The other Inquisitors still don't completely treat him like one of them. Or maybe teasing is their way of doing so? He rolls his eyes whenever they call him "baby brother", thinking they could at least have some sense of professionalism. But everything's been going okay for the most part. As okay as it can be when you're an Inquisitor-in-training.

Except today was... well, it was something else. They were assigned to ambush a small rebel cell that was said to be working with a Jedi. It should've been easy, except for the part where it wasn't. The rebels got away and the Inquisitors had failed. Now Ezra's standing outside the Grand Inquisitor's office while the adults debrief. It's frustrating, being left out like this, but he also knows there isn't much he can do about it.]

Comments

[merging]

Well, that's great because it was actually really hard to hurt it.

[He's being a smart ass, he knows, especially because according to Third Brother, he'd done well when it came to bleeding his crystal. But it had felt really hard on his end!]

Let go of what?

[prover]

I don't know. They're your feelings.

[ a little cryptic, yes, so she decides to fix her answer. ]

What are you holding in? What are you using as a crutch? You need to release it. Clear your mind of everything, and then connect.

[merging]

[Clear his mind... sure, like that's easy.

There's one obvious answer when it comes to what he's holding onto. Since he escaped the Empire, he's worried over his parents. Third Brother said they could be released, but now... would they have been punished in his stead? But, he reminds himself, they wouldn't have wanted him to stay an Inquisitor. They would've wanted him to fight back, like they did. And he's finally getting the chance to do that.

Then there's something else, something that surprises him. He remembers Third Brother, unable to say his own name. Protecting Ezra from the other Inquisitors, saving him from the academy. He had tried to save him in return, but he barely had a grip on the light side then. Did Third Brother care for him if he wasn't Eleventh Brother? Would he ever be something beyond an apprentice, a pawn for the dark and the light?

And there's those he's killed. The lives he's taken to survive. Whatever justification he offers isn't worth it, but neither is dwelling on it. He's alive now, whether he wants to be or not, and it's his responsibility to use that life, use his powers to help others.

He has to let go, if he ever wants to move forward. Ezra reaches out towards the crystal, not with an apology, but with a promise. A promise to do better.]

[prover]

[ ahsoka loses herself in the silence that follows and falls into meditation with ease across from ezra. she keeps her feelings detached, in a void, and opens herself up to the energy between them. the crystal, too, feels. she can hear its melodic hum, the soft tune silenced and suppressed by a boy's anger and pain. it understands. it promises him a new hope in return.

the crystal lifts and floats between them. ever so gradually the burning red loses pigment as it restores and heals, until finally its melody returns in full. only now it's a new song of overcoming pain and tribulation. no longer bound to light or dark, purified in blinding white. ]

[merging]

[Finally hearing the song of his crystal- no, not just hearing it, but listening>/i>- Ezra opens his eyes. The now white crystal starts to fall, and he quickly catches it in his hands.]

I... I did it. I did it, Ahsoka!

[prover]

I know. [ she smiles, not even opening her eyes. ] Well done. Put it inside your saber. See what happens.

[merging]

[He places the kyber crystal inside, then stands up to ignite it. The blade shines brightly, no longer the symbol of an Inquisitor.]

Whoa... it's just like yours.

[prover]

What is damaged can never be repaired. It can, however, be mended under the right circumstances.

[ well done young gremlin. her eyes flutter open, glad with what she sees, and stands up. ]

What did you let go of?

[merging]

[He turns off his lightsaber and places it back on his belt.]

My parents. Those I've hurt by using the dark side. And... [Part of him feels like this is the wrong answer somehow, even if it's the truth.] Third Brother.

[prover]

[ her lips thin at the last one. she's heard that he was the inquisitor who took him in. it's still strange - inquisitors aren't recruited. not like that anyway. ]

It can be hard to detach. The Jedi Order preached it as a way of life, but never taught padawans how to do it. [ ahsoka, admittedly, never learned it. maybe it isn't something you can learn at all. she thinks of luminara and barriss for a brief moment and then banishes the memories. ] You were with the Inquisitors for a long time. Be patient as you unlearn their ways. Their methods are not ours.

[merging]

I know. It's not that, not exactly.

[Some parts of his training were easy enough to shrug off, others not so much. But this was different still.]

There was a time when I thought maybe, maybe he would join us.

[prover]

Do you still want that?

[ she asks without judgment, but the reality is... well not impossible, but not likely. third brother has been indoctrinated for a long time. they may not be able to save him, but... ]

[merging]

Yeah. I saw who he used to be and I thought if I reminded him of that, if it was for me, he'd...

[Was it selfish to think that when he wouldn't be loyal to the dark side for Third Brother's sake alone? He's not sure, but at least the light side's initiation was far less painful.]

I know now it's not that easy. Caleb Dume is probably dead at this point. I'm trying to let go, but I... I don't know.

[prover]

Caleb...

[ she mutters his name, a foggy memory coming to mind of an ever questioning boy who stood by master billaba's side. so he was taken by the empire too. so many padawans, so many dead and even worse. ]

It isn't enough just to remind. Third Brother -- Caleb may still be in there. [ she crosses her arms and thins her lips. ] You know, Inquisitors don't really take apprentices. If he was serious about turning you, he would have just "initiated" you day one.

[merging]

Really? But I was-

[14 back then. Probably older than some of the Inquisitors were when they were initiated.]

I mean, he always said I had to prove myself. First it was proving that I was strong in the Force, then it was that I was willing to use the dark side, and finally, it was my loyalty.

[prover]

Ezra, Inquisitors don't prove loyalty. They're indoctrinated into it.

[ she can buy testing his force sensitivity, seeing if he would be swayed, but if he corrupted a kyber crystal then wouldn't that be enough? it doesn't add up to what she knows and she suspects there's more to this story. ]

Did he ever... hm. Did he act differently with you than the other Inquisitors?

[merging]

Well, yeah. He always acted differently around me. But that's because I was his apprentice.

Plus it's not like any of the Inquisitors get along that well. We say we're like a family, but it's not like anyone would care if someone died. I thought Third Brother cared about me, but...

[But he was ready to kill Ezra if he didn't fall in line. He wouldn't release his parents either. As Ezra had drifted closer to the light, he'd started to doubt that his master actually saw him as a person.]

[prover]

[ a shrug. she couldn't tell him, and she's never met third brother, but something about it still doesn't sit right with her. why go through so much effort to bring ezra to the dark side? it's so strange. but whatever the case she feels the need to say- ]

You don't sound like you're ready to let go.

[merging]

No one ever taught me how.

[he answers with a shrug of his own]

I've accepted that it might be out of my control. And that he's no longer my master. I think that's close enough for now.

[prover]

[ a nod. ]

Their kind encourage attachments. However, the attachments encouraged, the kinds formed, are toxic. Remember that. You're rid of him now.

[ whatever third brother's goals were with taking in ezra, none of them were good. it isn't smart to try and turn an inquisitor based off a feeling alone. the rebellion does not have the resources to save people from themselves. ]

[merging]

I know.

[Ezra sighs, a little tired after all the emotional talk and crystal purification.]

You think this'll finally get the rebels off my back?

[prover]

[ hmmm! ]

Don't think so. [ sorry not sorry about the honesty. ] I know why that might frustrate you, but they have bones to pick with the Empire even bigger than yours.

[merging]

But I don't even use the dark side anymore! This proves it!

[Which is the thinking of a Force user, not an ordinary person fighting in the war.]

Ugh. I just wanna be able to walk around without everyone thinking I'm gonna kill them.

[They trust Sabine, even though she defected. Except that was a while ago and she also doesn't have scary wizard powers.]

[prover]

It'll take more work than repairing your crystal, Ezra. They don't care about the Force as much as you, as an individual. As a traitor.

[merging]

[He doesn't want to admit it, but she's right.]

What should I do?