merging | happy father's day

happy father's day - blindrun

[Honestly? He's been here wayyy longer than he planned to be. He knew it'd be hard to escape, but it had to be possible. That's what he kept telling himself. Days turned into weeks turned into months and now? It's been over a year.

The other Inquisitors still don't completely treat him like one of them. Or maybe teasing is their way of doing so? He rolls his eyes whenever they call him "baby brother", thinking they could at least have some sense of professionalism. But everything's been going okay for the most part. As okay as it can be when you're an Inquisitor-in-training.

Except today was... well, it was something else. They were assigned to ambush a small rebel cell that was said to be working with a Jedi. It should've been easy, except for the part where it wasn't. The rebels got away and the Inquisitors had failed. Now Ezra's standing outside the Grand Inquisitor's office while the adults debrief. It's frustrating, being left out like this, but he also knows there isn't much he can do about it.]

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[ she just snickers at the push, not even bothered, and waits outside against the wall until he's out. hrm. ]

We really should see if we can get you clothes. [ the uniform does not spark joy! but they don't really have a lot of clothing resources here. ] Come along.

[ she'll turn and walk down the hall, which leads out to the open bay. the night crew will be wrapping up guard duty as the rest of the base wakes up. before that she wants to bring him to a quiet place. as she leads him she deigns to ask- ]

What did you dream about?

[Ezra shrugs.]

Why? They still fit me.

[And he hasn't even ripped anything and they're comfortable! He outgrew his civilian clothes a long time ago, not that he kept those around for long after joining the Inquisitors.]

It was nothing. I'm not gonna let it distract me, so don't worry.

That's not why I asked. [ her head turns over her shoulders to catch his gaze. ] I asked because I'm concerned for your well-being.

[ something tells her he hasn't had anyone do that for him in a while. ]

Well you don't have to talk about it. I'm here if you want to.

[Feelings? What are those? He does feel like he should be a little grateful towards her for checking in.]

... thanks, but I'm fine.

[Nailed it. Very grateful.]

What are we working on today anyways?

[ very! but ok she can take the hint, prodding will come another time. ]

I want to see if we can purify your kyber crystal. It isn't a good idea for you to use your lightsaber as is. I can't make guarantees but it's worth a shot.

That's possible?

[He is dumb and thinks her crystal is white because that's how it is.]

How? When I first- I didn't want to...

I'm sure. [ her voice is soft, understanding. ] Like I said, no guarantees. I've only done it once.

[ with her own, taken from sixth brother some years ago. finally she stops, taken to an out of the way area on the outside of the base. it's quiet out here and no one should come by. she turns around and drops to the floor, crossing her legs in a meditative pose. ]

Sit. Remove the crystal from your saber.

[He sits and does as he's told, more serious than usual. Not out of fear for disobeying orders, but because he really is curious if this is possible.

Ezra holds the red crystal in his hands, thinking of the day he had caused it to bleed.]

What now?

Set it down in front of you. We must meditate, together, and revitalize it.

[ ...she thinks. she sounds sure of herself at least, it's a bit of a gift after so many years, but this isn't something she's entirely sure about. ]

Okay...

[He sets it down and begins to attempt to meditate. Being calm and meditative's never come easy to him, and it's even more difficult when you throw in dark side training.]

[ years of practice make it easy for ahsoka to fall into meditation, clearing her mind, focusing her energy outward. however as she does she can feel his resistance, even slight, and breaks the silence- ]

Breaking something, hurting it, is easy. Fixing, healing, takes patience. It takes will. But first, you must let go.

[ he can't undo the pain he caused it, but he can make it better. he can try. ]

Well, that's great because it was actually really hard to hurt it.

[He's being a smart ass, he knows, especially because according to Third Brother, he'd done well when it came to bleeding his crystal. But it had felt really hard on his end!]

Let go of what?

I don't know. They're your feelings.

[ a little cryptic, yes, so she decides to fix her answer. ]

What are you holding in? What are you using as a crutch? You need to release it. Clear your mind of everything, and then connect.

[Clear his mind... sure, like that's easy.

There's one obvious answer when it comes to what he's holding onto. Since he escaped the Empire, he's worried over his parents. Third Brother said they could be released, but now... would they have been punished in his stead? But, he reminds himself, they wouldn't have wanted him to stay an Inquisitor. They would've wanted him to fight back, like they did. And he's finally getting the chance to do that.

Then there's something else, something that surprises him. He remembers Third Brother, unable to say his own name. Protecting Ezra from the other Inquisitors, saving him from the academy. He had tried to save him in return, but he barely had a grip on the light side then. Did Third Brother care for him if he wasn't Eleventh Brother? Would he ever be something beyond an apprentice, a pawn for the dark and the light?

And there's those he's killed. The lives he's taken to survive. Whatever justification he offers isn't worth it, but neither is dwelling on it. He's alive now, whether he wants to be or not, and it's his responsibility to use that life, use his powers to help others.

He has to let go, if he ever wants to move forward. Ezra reaches out towards the crystal, not with an apology, but with a promise. A promise to do better.]

[ ahsoka loses herself in the silence that follows and falls into meditation with ease across from ezra. she keeps her feelings detached, in a void, and opens herself up to the energy between them. the crystal, too, feels. she can hear its melodic hum, the soft tune silenced and suppressed by a boy's anger and pain. it understands. it promises him a new hope in return.

the crystal lifts and floats between them. ever so gradually the burning red loses pigment as it restores and heals, until finally its melody returns in full. only now it's a new song of overcoming pain and tribulation. no longer bound to light or dark, purified in blinding white. ]

[Finally hearing the song of his crystal- no, not just hearing it, but listening>/i>- Ezra opens his eyes. The now white crystal starts to fall, and he quickly catches it in his hands.]

I... I did it. I did it, Ahsoka!

I know. [ she smiles, not even opening her eyes. ] Well done. Put it inside your saber. See what happens.

[He places the kyber crystal inside, then stands up to ignite it. The blade shines brightly, no longer the symbol of an Inquisitor.]

Whoa... it's just like yours.

What is damaged can never be repaired. It can, however, be mended under the right circumstances.

[ well done young gremlin. her eyes flutter open, glad with what she sees, and stands up. ]

What did you let go of?

[He turns off his lightsaber and places it back on his belt.]

My parents. Those I've hurt by using the dark side. And... [Part of him feels like this is the wrong answer somehow, even if it's the truth.] Third Brother.

[ her lips thin at the last one. she's heard that he was the inquisitor who took him in. it's still strange - inquisitors aren't recruited. not like that anyway. ]

It can be hard to detach. The Jedi Order preached it as a way of life, but never taught padawans how to do it. [ ahsoka, admittedly, never learned it. maybe it isn't something you can learn at all. she thinks of luminara and barriss for a brief moment and then banishes the memories. ] You were with the Inquisitors for a long time. Be patient as you unlearn their ways. Their methods are not ours.

I know. It's not that, not exactly.

[Some parts of his training were easy enough to shrug off, others not so much. But this was different still.]

There was a time when I thought maybe, maybe he would join us.

Do you still want that?

[ she asks without judgment, but the reality is... well not impossible, but not likely. third brother has been indoctrinated for a long time. they may not be able to save him, but... ]

Yeah. I saw who he used to be and I thought if I reminded him of that, if it was for me, he'd...

[Was it selfish to think that when he wouldn't be loyal to the dark side for Third Brother's sake alone? He's not sure, but at least the light side's initiation was far less painful.]

I know now it's not that easy. Caleb Dume is probably dead at this point. I'm trying to let go, but I... I don't know.

Caleb...

[ she mutters his name, a foggy memory coming to mind of an ever questioning boy who stood by master billaba's side. so he was taken by the empire too. so many padawans, so many dead and even worse. ]

It isn't enough just to remind. Third Brother -- Caleb may still be in there. [ she crosses her arms and thins her lips. ] You know, Inquisitors don't really take apprentices. If he was serious about turning you, he would have just "initiated" you day one.

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